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Thursday, January 3, 2008

Udurawana Jokes

Shoo Fly
One day an Englishman, an American and our Udurawana walked into a pub together.
They preceded to each buy a glass if whisky .
Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing happened.
Udurawana picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over glass yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"

Suicide attempt.
Udurawana decided to commit suicide by hanging himself from a tree in the park.
A little bit later, a man was walking his dog and spotted Udurawana hanging from the tree.
He asked Udurawana what he is doing and Udurawana replies, "I'm hanging myself."
"You're supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist,' said the onlooker.
"I tried that," replied Udurawana, "but I couldn't breath.

Udurawana's love.
Wife : Do you love me ??????
Udurawana : Of course, darling.
Wife :But do you love me with all your heart.
Udurawana : With all my heart, with all my liver, with all my kidneys.

Udurawana at ticket counter.
Udurawana : Does this train go to Fort
Ticket counter : That's right sir, Change at Polgahawela.
Udurawana : What!!!!!!! I want my change here. I m not waiting till Polgahawela.

Adult video.
Udurawana goes out to rent his first X-rated adult video.
He goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.
Then he drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR.
To his disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so he calls the video store to complain.
Udurawana : "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static."
Clerk : "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"
Udurawana : "HEAD CLEANER"

The boss who was on the 25th floor of the building called up Udurawana on the ground floor for an important file. Since it was rather urgent the boss told him it was an emergency and that he should hurry with the file.
After more than 30 minutes Udurawana appears all tired and panting for breath.
The Boss asks him why he was panting and what caused the huge delay.
Udurawana replies, 'Boss when I went to the lift it said 'DURING AN EMERGENCY, PLEASE USE THE STAIRCASE'!!!

Phone call
Udurawana just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come in to the outer office.
Wishing to appear the hot shot, Udurawana picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man Replied, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone line."

The pill worked
Udurawana had a problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.
So he went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he goes to bed.
Udurawana slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.
"Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"
"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

Very worried
Udurawana came home from the doctor looking very worried.
His wife said, "What's the problem?"
He said, "The doctor told me I have to take a pill every day for the rest of my life."
She said, "So what? Lots of people have to take a pill every day their whole lives."
Udurawana said, "I know, but he gave me only four pills!"

Law of the jungle
Udurawana & his friend were hiking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger who looked both hungry and fast.
Udurawana reached into his pack and pulled out a pair of running shoes.
His friend looked at him "Do you really think those shoes are going to make you run faster than that tiger?"
"I don't have to run faster than that tiger" Udurawana replied. "I just have to run faster than you".

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