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Thursday, January 3, 2008

Udurawana Jokes

Constipated cow
Udurawana goes to the vet and says, "My cow is constipated."
The vet says, "Take one of these pills, put it in a long tube, stick the other end in the cow's ass, and blow the pill up there."
Udurawana comes back the next day, and he looks very sick.
The vet says, "What happened?"
Udurawana says, "The cow blew first."

Body odor
It was a really hot day at the office. There were about twenty people in close quarters and everyone was sweating, even with a fan on.
All of a sudden, people started to wrinkle their noses at an odor passing through the air. It was the most hideous smell anyone had ever smelt.
One man said, "Uh oh, someone's deodorant isn't working."
Udurawana from the distant corner replied, "It can't be me. I'm not wearing any."

Udurawana went to his doctor to see what could be done about his constipation
"It's terrible," he said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Naturally," Udurawana replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night."
"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"
"Naturally," Udurawana answered, "I take a newspaper."

Udurawawa goes to see his boss in the office.
"Sir," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the top floor and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Udurawawa," the boss replies. "Sorry....I can not give you the day off."
"Thank you Sir," says Udurawawa, "I knew I could count on you!"

Loving wife
Udurawana had been out for a few days due to bad health. One of his office friends called & asked him how he was feeling?
"I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience." he replied.
"Wonderful? How can the cold and fever be wonderful?" Friend asked Udurawana a in stunned disbelief.
"Well, I learned that my wife really loves me. You know that whenever the postman came by or a delivery man headed toward the door, she ran out to meet them? I could hear her excitedly saying "My husband is home! My husband is home!"

April fool
Udurawana got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket.
He gave Rs.6/- and took the ticket and said "April fool. I have a pass".

How to exchange the seat.
Udurawana came home with his left forehead bleeding & his wife asked him what happened.
He replied "There was a nail in the window of the bus that pricked me each time the bus jerked"
His wife said "Then why didn't you exchanged your seat with some other passenger, who does not know about the nail!
Udurawana replied "How can I exchange my seat, when there were no other passengers in the bus other than me"

One way
A policeman pulled Udurawana over after he had been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Udurawana : No, but wherever it is, it must be bad, because all the people are leaving.

Bungee jumping.
In UK, Udurawana and his friend were watching bungee jumping.
Friend : Wanna try it?
Udurawana : No way. I was born because of broken rubber & I don't wanna die because of broken rubber.

Any great man ?
One tourist from U.S.A. asked Udurawana: Any great man born in this country?
Udurawana : No sir, only small Babies!!!

How do you do ?
An Englishman and Udurawana inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Udurawana : Good evening, we open the zip and do!

Engine Trouble
Udurawana was on board in a plane from Colombo to New York.
Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed, but we still have three engines left. So there is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled,."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another hour. But don't worry, we still have one more engine left."
Udurawana turned to the man in the next seat and sighed, "If we lose the last engine also, we'll have to be up in the air forever !"

What would you like to hear?
A doctor, a teacher & Udurawana are talking about the death.
Udurawana asks " Suppose if you die and your friends and family are mourning you. What would you like to hear them say about you, when you're in your casket ?"
Doctor : "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
Teacher : "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
Udurawana : "I would like to hear them say... LOOK! HE'S MOVING!"

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